


still don't know where we’re going (but look how far we’ve come)

by josiewrites



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M, High School, Holidays, Light Angst, New Year's Eve, after ‘A Christmas Maya’ and then so on, freshman through senior year, lucaya - Freeform, slight Rucas, slight joshaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16161875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiewrites/pseuds/josiewrites
Summary: Because Maya’s not the one you’re with and you tell yourself over and over that you really are fine with that.





	still don't know where we’re going (but look how far we’ve come)

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been awhile but I’m still here. 
> 
> I know it’s a little early for a New Year’s fic but October is upon us so, honestly, expect a number of Holiday fics from me. 
> 
> This is a bit rough and far from one of the better things I’ve written but I’m trying get back into the groove of writing again - and more often - since I have the time. 
> 
> Thank you to those that continue to read, comment, leave kudos, etc.. on my stories. You’re so appreciated and are absolutely part of what keeps me inspired to write - Josie
> 
> Title from the song “Lucky Ones” by Lights

A decision had to be made.

And while you’re not exactly sure if you’re the one that truly even made the choice or had a say at all, you aren’t unhappy. It was past time for “the triangle” to be put to rest. 

You’re okay with how it worked out. 

It’s December 31 and Riley’s decided to make having a New Year’s Eve party an annual occurrence. Everyone’s a bit wary at the suggestion but so far it’s less awkward, less tension-filled.

This time you won’t be stuck between two girls on a bench like you were during last year’s party after Farkle decided to share information that wasn’t his to divulge in the first place. 

You’d only just gotten back in town a day prior and Riley, sweet as ever, hugs you and says she missed you. She wishes you would have told her about going to Texas for Christmas. You wonder why you didn’t. Getting to miss secret Santa couldn’t possibly be the only reason.

But still, you’re okay with this new relationship thing.

Okay enough to be able to mostly ignore the blonde that’s sat in the corner with Josh Matthews. They’re chatting amongst themselves easily and she looks happier than she’s seemed in a while. When her laughter fills the open air you pretend not to feel that pang of _something_ , whatever it is, stab at your gut.

When midnight approaches you can’t prevent your eyes from drifting to where Maya and Josh are. You feel relief wash over you when they don’t kiss, but their hands are still entwined and the soft smile on the blondes face has you faltering for a moment when the girl that is in front of you says your name. 

So, you look at her. At Riley. Working hard to focus your eyes on the brown ones before you instead of trying to get the blue ones to catch your own. 

Because Maya’s not the one you’re with and you tell yourself over and over that you really are fine with that.

.

The plan over winter break, when you’re a sophomore, is to have all your friends come to Texas to ring in the New Year. The Friar family is huge and a party takes place at Pappy Joe’s every December 31st. Your mom is the one to suggest bringing Riley and since Zay is already going to be down there, you figure _what’s a few more_ before inviting the rest of the group. 

Maya says she’s not into being the seventh wheel. 

In Texas, Zay has Vanessa so he and Maya can’t really do that thing where they sit next to each other while watching their best friends have a relationship. Farkle has Smackle. Then of course its you and Riley - your relationship finally finding a steady footing over the past year. This whole boyfriend/girlfriend situation still feeling new because past idealizations of each other had to be shed in order to be able to really move forward.

You get it, Maya not wanting to tag-along on some sort of couple’s trip. But that’s not what this was intended to be so you try and protest and say that if she doesn’t go than everyone can just stay in New York instead and do something together but she calls you an idiot and no one else attempts to fight her on it. 

Maya’s gradually been pulling away. It’s been a slow process but of course you’ve noticed. Zay sees her the most outside of school and occasionally Farkle will tutor her. She’s filled up her time with improving her grades and concentrating on her art. You heard from Zay that she’s also working at a small art studio some evenings and on the weekends. Either way, she doesn’t have a whole lot of time to spare these days when it comes to seeing the group. 

Riley mentions it once, solemnly murmurs that she misses her best friend. You can’t stop the _yeah, me too_ from slipping out of your mouth but you try to be blind from seeing the way Riley’s brows furrow, her mouth contorting into a frown at your shared sentiment of missing Maya. 

When it’s 11 o’clock in Texas, you send Maya a message complete with a shitty joke about you texting her from the past since New York is an hour ahead in time zones. The joke’s cliche and not funny at all but you find yourself wishing you could see her inevitably roll her eyes as she opens the text. It’s finished with a _wish you were here._ that you thought twice - or a hundred times - about if you should say but went with it in the end anyway. 

The last time you were here with everyone, Maya was here as well. That night by the campfire and the thought of her in that white dress and how the firelight casted such a glow on her frame that she looked as though she didn’t belong in this world are all you can think of.

_Maya, Maya, Maya._

You’re curious if she’s with Josh right now, but the notion is quickly bumped from your mind as you watch the reply bubble on the message screen appear and disappear before a simple and to the point _Happy New Year, Huckleberry _comes through.__

__._ _

__Junior year has been nothing but a whirlwind of changes brought on by facts that needed facing and realizations that had maybe been there the whole time._ _

__Riley was a key player in all of this, breaking up with you a few months ago claiming that maybe she’s been trying too hard to push something that she now knows isn’t meant to work out like her parents did. She still wants to hold on to her fairytale and finding a prince, she’s just figured out that he isn’t you. It doesn’t hurt in the way that you think it probably should._ _

__You’re grateful, having never wanted anyone to get hurt from the very beginning._ _

__She’d also said she wants her group of friends to go back to normal. You and her, her and Maya... you and Maya. Riley’s smarter and more observant than people tend to give her credit for. She knows that when you got together, it’s when Maya stopped being around so often._ _

__So when Maya’s hand-holding, long game deal with Josh came to standstill due to him meeting a girl at university he wanted to commit to, she didn’t have a whole lot to distract herself with anymore. And with your breakup with Riley, she started showing back up to study sessions and spending more time with everyone again._ _

__It had been nice, everyone missed seeing her so often. It was different in school because you didn’t get to choose to have classes together - you were just sort of forced to share a space - and she’d been more quiet than you’d ever known her to be when she felt like she didn’t have a place in the group._ _

__You’re able to call Maya your friend again and start up the little game that you’d established back in middle school. She stops treating you like she barely knows you and with a little encouragement from Riley - who just wants to see her best friends happy - you finally work up the courage to open your mouth and tell Maya everything she means to you._ _

__That you want to be with her._ _

__She doesn’t take it well. She doesn’t take it badly, either, but she laughs in your face before asking if you’re serious. When you promise that you are, she walks off._ _

__Really, it could have been worse._ _

__This age old tradition of starting anew is beginning to feel old, nothing seemingly solid staying secure where it should be and so much is left up in the air. It’s all leaving a bitter taste in your mouth because you aren’t exactly where you want to be or who you want to be with._ _

__One thing about Maya? Even if she’s wanting to ignore your existence, and she is, it’s that she always shows up for Riley._ _

__You’re one-hundred percent counting on her showing up to tonight but your breath still catches in your throat when the front door to the Matthew’s apartment opens and Maya steps in, her hair windblown and wild from the bitter chill outside._ _

__It’s the first you’ve seen her all break, stupidly telling her how you feel after school on the last day before you were all off for two weeks. Clearly you hadn’t been thinking what bad timing that was and you didn’t necessarily expect her to immediately tell you that she returns your feelings. This has always been a little complicated and Riley’s feelings and making sure that she’s happy are what comes first to Maya, but it’s different now. Everything’s laid out in the open and there’s a clean slate and you know it scares her. Hell, it scares you._ _

__She gives you a guilty smile as she walks toward the couch, the only open seat is next to you and you’re sure she’s wanting to turn around and bolt out the door but she doesn’t._ _

__“Hi,” her voice is quiet and unsure and it’s barely anything but it’s the most you’ve heard from her recently so you can’t stop the giddy feeling from flooding your entire being with her so close to you._ _

__“Hey.”_ _

__You don’t want to scare her away and it’s reminiscent of a scene from the past, awkward and maybe a bit tension-filled, but this time you’re full of nothing but hope that the coming year will bring you everything you’ve wanted._ _

__._ _

__There’s only a few more months left of high school. This new year marks an ending and a beginning with high hopes for even more. You’re staying in New York for college and your family as a whole isn’t thrilled but this bustling city with all it’s noise and congestion has become home in a way you never saw coming._ _

__And Maya. This place wouldn’t be as much as a home if it weren’t for her. Because she twisted her way into your life, catching you completely off guard and once you realized that these feelings weren’t fleeting, it was too late. She’s a permanent fixture in your life and you pray you’ll never mess that up._ _

__“Hey, Maya?”_ _

__She’s leaning against the ledge, her back facing out toward the city. It’s a cold night and she’s wearing a hoodie you recognize as one of your own - obviously she stole it at one point and you make a note to ask her about it later. You’ve been dating for the last eight months and are both attending the same university and everything is _good_ and you’re happy._ _

__“Yeah, Huckleberry?”_ _

__“Do you remember the first time we were up here on this roof together?”_ _

__She’s scrunching her nose in that way you love. Whenever she’s reacting to something she’s displeased with, or when she’s trying to fight a smile. You know it’s the former, this time._ _

__“I’d rather not.”_ _

__And you understand. You really weren’t sure who you’d been saving the spot beside you for on the rooftop in eighth grade, but when the blonde had strolled up and said _I’m glad you’re standing here_ you’d been presented with a moment of clarity. Albeit a very brief moment but the confusion had been lifted in that instant right before it came crashing back into you full force. In that minute, you’d chosen her. _ _

__You’d always chosen her, just got a little lost along the away._ _

__“Well,” you’re stepping closer to her, hands on her waist, “It’s one minute to midnight and I’m glad you’re standing here.”_ _

__She’s rolling her eyes and calling you an idiot but her smile is so bright and when she pulls your face down so her lips can meet your own, you know there really isn’t anywhere else you’d rather be._ _


End file.
